War Monkeys

That day Gawlmighty was dressed like Hitler in the Strategy Room.

Ick had sent him to see Chaplin's "The Great Dictator."

Gawlmighty came back to the White House goosestepping, stiff arm saluting,
with a black Magic Marker mustache. Prudent made him take off the costume
except when he was in the Strategy Room. But there, he played his hero to the hilt.

He goosestepped around the long wide table in the center of the room.
He'd ask each general a question. And if he didn't like the answer, true
or not, he'd give the general a little red boot up the butt. Gawlmighty found
that if he kicked hard enough, the general usually had a good idea before
Gawlmighty made it back around the table.

Gawlmighty had just goosestepped up into a fat general's ass when the
general next to him began spewing out wise advice. Then Gawlmighty
kicked his secretary's hiney to make sure she wrote it down.

He still dressed like a cowboy. But the goosestep, the salute,
and the marker mustache made it pretty obvious that his hero wasn't
Roy Rogers.

He stomped back to Ick: "Who
are we fightin' this week?"

"Don't tell anybody," Ick answered out of the side of his mouth. His
whiskers twitched. "This time we're going to invade Oklahoma. We
just want to do it to keep the other forty-seven states on their toes."

Clicked heels, stiff salutes, and a hardy, "Heil Gawlmighty!" had
to be gotten out of the way first before Gawlmighty could assure his
brother that he'd have absolutely everything he needed. "I want
you to hit them with everything you've got right at midnight. Okies
don't wage war after dark. The longer you stay up the more you
have to think."

"Sharp move," sneered Ick.

Gawlmighty goosestepped to his brother's side and put an arm around
his shoulder. "Seems like you've got everything under control, Ick. If you
need me I'll be in the Oval Office playing Grand Theft Auto."

"Yahvol, mine commandant!" Ick shouted and threw a Nazi salute.

Later as he was shooting drug dealers and police officers in the
Oval Office, Gawlmighty sighed and said, "Gee, I'm the luckiest
wicked dictator ever!"