Money Squawks

Counting on human greed and stupidity had paid off yet again. Half of
America was already counting its tax refund and the other half felt sure
that stealing a country was nowhere near as bad as getting a blowjob
in the White House.

The other half was watching "Survivor."

Gawlmighty didn't like the sound of the inauguration at first. He said that it
sounded like something that a crazy dentist would do to ya. But when
assured it was just the formal ceremony that would make him the
President (and that he would get no more drugs if he refused), Gawlmighty agreed
to cooperate.

When the morning of the inauguration arrived, Gawlmighty said something
that Prudent thought was surprisingly sweet. Gawlmighty said that he
wanted his brothers and sister to ride in the limousine with him. Prudent
asked if it was because he wanted to share the moment with his family.

Gawlmighty said, "Inhuman shields."

Prudent was surprised by the public reactions in Washington when they
arrived for the ceremony. You would have thought they'd done something
wrong. Poor people were lined up and down the route they'd take to the
Capitol, carrying signs that said things like:

"Hail to the Thief!"

"Give Us Back Our Country!" and

"So What!"

But since Gawlmighty never read anything if he didn't have to, and his
siblings didn't offer to read them to him, Gawlmighty had no idea.

There was a longstanding tradition that the President-elect would walk
the last block to the Capitol to be sworn in. When Rover the driver
mentioned it , Gawlmighty said for him to fornicate himself and step
on the gas.

Thus they zoomed by the army of armed veterans, the little old ladies with
knitting needles, the college students with Molotov bongs, the young
African-Americans with their solid gold boomerangs, and the school
children with their freshly sharpened pencils.

At the Capitol Building, twentyseven bodyguards escorted Gawlmighty
up the steps where Chief Justice Harpo Marx swore him in as the
Fortythird President of the United States. Gawlmighty beamed out at
all the people wanting to kill him who were held back by his paid thugs
(and the Secret Service). He recited the oath from memory:

"I do probably swear that I will faithfully prostitute the Office of the
President of the United States, and will, whenever I wanna, change,
reject, and upend the Constitution of the United States."

And, just as he finished, an overripe tomato hit the Secret Service goon
standing right behind Gawlmighty and the goon, with really impressive
markmanship, shot the little old lady who threw it. Thus was the noble
Presidency of Galmighty the Misunderestimated begun.