Billionaire Bingo

Gawlmighty settled into the White House and thought that he was going
to like being P.O.T.U.S (To his face they all told him that the acronym
stood for "President Of The United States." But amongst themselves
they joked that it stood for "Product Of The Ugly Stick"). The way Prudent
had set things up for him, it was the easiest job in the world.

Gawlmighty swiftly appointed:

Ick as vice-president,
Fangosita as secretary of state,
and Rumbo as secretary of defense.

They all took their orders from Prudent. But each lent his or her own
charm to the post. Ick was always sneaking around behind the
scenes reinterpreting intelligence and chewing through ropes. And
Fangosita, while juggling lies in all the languages of the world,
still found time to buy thousands of shoes. (She had foot envy.) And
Rumbo, in his Roman centurion's helmet was always pestering his
brothers to give him a war to run. They told him to be patient a little longer.

While the previous president had been a real sucker for sex, he hadn't
been that bad a president.

There was a surplus of 666 octillion dollars as Elvis left office in disgrace.
The American government was the richest it had ever been. Now every bad
road in America could be fixed and every child given health care or—

"Run it by me again and hand me the bong," Gawlmighty said.

Prudent gave an exasperated sigh (that also released three lung's full
of pot smoke) and said, "Now listen this time. You're going to start a
game of billionaire's bingo. Everybody in the United States who's got
one or more billions of dollars gets a slider board with numbers on it.
Oh, it will be such fun! You'll stand there on national television and call
out the numbers and we'll give away things like the surplus, the national
forests, and "Get Out of Congress Free" passes. Won't it be fun?"

"Can I get high?"

"Yes."

"Bring on da jubilee!"